25 May 2010

Terrible Shit I Bought: The Rolling Stones

Okay, this is totally baffling to me. When I was 13 years old, I was clearly the stupidest (and most bored musically) idiot ever born. The Rolling Stones had done "Satisfaction" and Mick Jagger had directed that movie with Whoopi Goldberg but that's all I knew about them. I mean, I knew they were an old band. So why would a 13 year old listen to music made by anyone over the age of 13? I don't fucking know. For some reason, I bought the Steel Wheels album. This is probably the worst album ever recorded. The Rolling Stones are even worse than Vanilla Ice. Why? Because I still like "Stop That Train". I have this crystal clear memory of sitting in my friend Sam's attic and listening to Steel Wheels on my little tape recorder and thinking, "Wow, why did I spend my allowance on this crap?" I started fast-forwarding, looking for a song, any song, that I liked and I couldn't find a single one. This wave of depression washed over me and I gave the tape to Sam. He probably hated it too.

18 May 2010

Terrible Shit I Bought: Snap! & Technotronic

I should change this to "Terrible Shit I Bought And Enjoyed The Shit Out Of". Sometime in 1990, I had both World Power by Snap! and Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic. These albums were immensely important to my 14-year-old brain for some reason. I was already listening to metal so who knows what I was thinking when I was into this junk. The best thing about these two albums? They both fit on a 90 minute tape! I would dig on Snap! for 45 minutes and then flip it over to groove to Technotronic. My brain must have been turned off that year. I remember playing videogames and watching sunsets to this awful and brainless stuff. I think I was a weird kid but I would have been even weirder knowing that the techno music I was listening to for 500 hours at a time wasn't even American. This shit was totally Belgian and German. The following year, when The KLF hit it big with "3 a.m. Eternal", I was already out of my techno phase. Thank God. Hmm, this post is only moderately embarrassing. I'll do better next time.