08 January 2010

The Darkest 80s - Goth Was Never This Pitch Black

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain. Time to die.

And so it began. Or ended.

It occurred to me that Richard missed out on a truly bizarre period of pop music having not listened to radio from 1979 through 1982 (which was also during the conception and birth of MTV and the music video as we know it). During that time music was more focused on the actual music rather than an image. Punk had it's influence a couple years before and New Wave was a novelty. Hip Hop was still very much a sub-genre and Rock was rolled so much it became dull and blunted.

During this period quite a few Country and Country-influenced artists dominated the mainstream, bringing their soft-edged twangless tones to the topper-most of the popper-most. Guys with beards and feathered hair and girls with dowdy floral dresses and Baptist bouffants ruled the day. Also, the novelty song was a popular choice then too, as well as limp, ineffectual Pop (like it always has been). All the songs and artists listed below were popular and would play on the radio one right after the other along with songs like Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2)’, Kenny Roger's 'The Gambler', AC-DC's 'Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap', and Kool And The Gang’s ‘Celebration’.

God bless my blue transistor radio, the Might 690 in Orange County, California, and 96KX and Q-105 in Tampa, Florida.

Some of these are amazing, others are…best forgotten (culminating with the final video, 'I've Never Been To Me', my choice for the cheesiest song ever).


Juice Newton - 'Queen Of Hearts'
I love Juice Newton (there, I said it). This song was great and her sense of melody and fun just showed. Yes, this is one of the best songs on the list.

Bertie Higgins - 'Key Largo'
A local boy for us Tampa Bay area people (he was from Tarpon Springs or New Port Richey). The requisite beard is mighty and the collar carefree.

Paul Davis - ''65 Love Affair'
He was truly an enigma to me. He looked like a bear but sang like a muffin. Love this guy.

And just for reference, this is the hunky Paul Davis at that time:

The Oak Ridge Boys - 'Elvira'
Again, on the awesome list. Who didn't love the ORB?

Melissa Manchester - 'You Should Hear How She Talks About You'
Something about this song always struck a cheese chord in me that I couldn't get past. Not hearing it in 20 years it's alright now, but back then forget it.

Chilliwack - 'Gone, Gone, Gone'
Truly confounding. Don't know who they were (except Canadians) or what this song was, but it was something I had heard many times and not heard ever. Or ever again.

Dr. Hook - 'Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk'
I would play this song a lot on the jukebox at Dawg's in Mission Bell. Thankfully, I could play it unashamedly because I didn't listen to lyrics then.

Sylvia - 'Nobody'
The Lesser Charlene. Nothing else to say here.

38 Special - 'Hold On Loosely;
Southern Rock, the South will rise again, Lynnaddrraddd Skhyyhdnfaardard FOREVERRREEREERRR!!! At least they have two drummers and some nice guitars. Can't we get them on a plane too?

Joe Dolce - 'Shaddap You Face'
I was 10 and obsessed with this song. God bless K-Tel records. My poor parents.

Charlene - 'I've Never Been To Me'
13:11 I saw another beast coming up out of the earth. He had two horns like a lamb, and he spoke like a dragon.
13:12 He exercises all the authority of the first beast in his presence. He makes the earth and those who dwell in it to worship the first beast, whose fatal wound was healed.
13:13 He performs great signs, even making fire come down out of the sky to the earth in the sight of people.
13:14 He deceives my own people who dwell on the earth because of the signs he was granted to do in front of the beast; saying to those who dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast who had the sword wound and lived.
13:15 It was given to him to give breath to it, to the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause as many as wouldn't worship the image of the beast to be killed.
13:16 He causes all, the small and the great, the rich and the poor, and the free and the slave, to be given marks on their right hands, or on their foreheads;
13:17 and that no one would be able to buy or to sell, unless he has that mark, the name of the beast or the number of his name.
13:18 Here is wisdom. He who has understanding, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man. His number is six hundred sixty-six.


Thank you Prince, Duran Duran, and MTV for coming along and saving us all.